July 14th

 Today is John's birthday. I posted some photos on Facebook for the boys and then I tried not to dwell on loss. I just can't do that anymore. I was a bit ill yesterday and watched Jane Austen films. Today I worked some and now have called it quits. Too early but it's all right. I have worked hard the last ten days. I moved my office and then I went through all my writing papers and trashed many of them. I felt trapped by them, as though they existed to remind me of work I might not ever do. I don't need that guilt or reminder. I have enough work to last me until I die. Death will catch me working. So I tore them up and threw them in the garbage outside. They are gone. I kept the work I wanted to focus on. The ideas that spring from my reading and art. I am satisfied. And the new room is just the thing for continuing the rest of the year. It stormed yesterday. I slept in the late afternoon and didn't wake until seven last night. Smiling. Joey brought me some supper but I really couldn't eat it. And today I've had little. Cream of Wheat. Toast. Water. I am going to watch Reign of Fire and stare at the dragons. Laughing. I suppose this is more change. And more grief. And some depression. That's okay. Tomorrow is a new day.