I have made another serious change. I feel good.

 Yesterday, I saw a good doctor and today I am seeing another. These visits were all planned months ago so, no, they are not emergencies, but they could not have come at a better time in my life.  All my doctors have known me for years and years, so they are quite acquainted with a living history of Jane. Laughing.  Today, this doctor knows me really well. Everything. He's my personal physician, and took me on after his predecessor, my old friendly personal physician retired, a man whom I knew as a teenager. There is something odd in this circumstances. One can never fake anything or hide anything or be anything other than what one is to these people, a predicament which can make one uncomfortable at times, but at the same moment, is very comforting. These two men never cut me any slack, so to speak.

The older man has died, God Bless him, he was brilliant and a great diagnostic physician. He had a gift, and I was lucky to be his patient. He understood me so well, and helped me through many years when I went to school, seriously allergic to cigarette smoke and yes, in those days, people smoked in classes. He called me the "Perpetual Tourist" a name that has stuck with other people, too. This refers to my lifelong personal history of studying anything that caught my interests instead of focusing on one subject. He used the word, tourist, because I do become a tourist in a sense, I leave one place and travel to another in my head until I know it as well as I can. I have been many places over the years. No adequate label can describe my love of learning. No label is necessary because another great doctor taught me years ago that labels are worthless when it comes to defining people and I have never changed my mind about that.

I have decided to do something different online than previously, both here and on social media. I am going to intensify my status as the "Perpetual Tourist" and go back to my early ways, to the things I learned that fascinated me. Most people know I love beauty, that I am often amazed at what humankind can achieve, and how social and biological evolutions have, in a manner of speaking, influenced and even determined how things have progressed. I want to spend more time talking about beautiful things I love so that my grandchildren can read about those things. I also want them to understand why it is so important to read around subjects, to not make quick judgments based on modern norms, and I want them to accept the bad with the good. There is no perfection in life, no way to avoid horror and pain and suffering, to create a perfect and fair justice for all. These things I have written about many times for my children and one of WIPs is about that theme. The Search for the Impossible. No one ever finds it. The Impossible is what many people want and seek and what they compare all things to, which is a shame, because it causes a lot of unnecessary misery. I love "big pictures" and "history" and "ideas." I come to all my art through ideas, not people, not characters, not my own personal biases. It is an idea that strikes me first and that leads my creative spirit. And I have my way of living that art that is not really here or on Facebook or on Twitter. And I am going to discuss why this happens not only to me but many people.

I know a lot of creatives and have worked with them over a lifetime, really. They are people who think "outside the box" and only use group think as a tool to gather information. It's takes more than a few college courses to determine how they will see a subject. It takes a lot of study and yes, experience. Like the older man, some doctors are brilliant diagnostics, while other doctors, who are good doctors, do not have this keen eye. Eventually they will solve a problem, but it takes them longer, and they may need help. Nothing wrong with that. Some doctors rely on tests and even other doctors, but the serious creatives and brilliant diagnostics sees things that others do not. It's in the brain. And no one can quite come up with the proper label.

In the last few weeks, I have had to face some stark realities about myself, about my personal environment, and about the Internet and social environment here. I have been under severe stress and I paid a price because I was just angry. And while anger is necessary, it's not very productive. Basically I am a very pragmatic person, I look for solutions and if I can't find them, I go to someone who can and I adapt. I change. I burn bridges. JUST. LIKE. THAT. Burning a bridge is not the ideal choice, but what it does do is prevent one from going backwards. And sometimes that makes burning a  bridge, regardless of the fallout and consequences, necessary. I have burned a lot of bridges in the last few months. And yes, that process added to my stress. BUT I am at the end of the tunnel now. I am out in the light. And I am okay. I am even smiling as I write this.

So look for changes if you know me. ALL. OVER. THE. PLACE. I feel good.