Darkness Visible: A Memoir of Madness by William Styron.

It might surprise people to know that I suffer from Depression. I do not have Major Depressive Disorder but I do know what it is like to experience a major depressive disorder episode. Despite my smiles and good cheer, I tend to write about very dark themes. Loss. Abandonment. The perils and weight of Time. The stress of the past. Melancholy. Even betrayal and suicide or murder. Some of my characters are 'mad' as William Styron became in the summer of 1985. I have never read a book more palpable about depression than this one. Several times while reading it, I felt my body tense and I literally became anxious due to Styron's descriptions of his feelings. I was so depressed in high school after the death of a childhood friend that my teachers became concerned about me and I literally missed 100 days of school that year. Looking back, I felt very similar to what Styron felt but I never became suicidal. (One of the similar traits I possessed was that I did not sleep or talk much. I could not talk. I was disconnected.) Styron makes it clear that melancholia and hypochondria sound alike as words and tend to feel alike and are related emotionally, and I agree with him. Depression and Anxiety are so interconnected that sometimes it is difficult to tell one from the other. A lot of artists and writers suffer from Depression, though so do plumbers and electricians. We just don't hear about them when they commit suicide. Suicide is about pain. And all of this is probably rooted in one's childhood and concerns loss. Loss of what doesn't really matter as long as it is psychologically coupled. I take Prozac for my depression. Sometimes I go off it, but not often. Twenty years now. Depression is wily and sneaky. One is the midst of it before one knows it. Highly recommended read.